DON’T LET THREE MEN HOG THE MIC AT YOUR BEST FRIEND’S WEDDING

 

The comedy writers at Speechy reckon more maids of honour should be having their say at weddings. We asked them to give us their expert tips on writing the perfect speech…

 

You’ve been there for her since the start of all this wedding stuff (remember designing each other’s dresses on your fashion wheel when you were nine?). You’ve been vocal about everything from trout canapés to tea lights and tiaras over the last six months so why sit back and let the blokes have the last word?

 

The great thing about maid of honour speeches is they’re not bound by etiquette – you’ve already tossed out tradition by stepping up to the mic, so really you can say (almost) anything you like. Follow our guide to dropping a perfect love bomb on your bestie, without treading on any toes…

 

Don’t thank anyone

That’s the groom’s job - and the bride’s dad has the sentimental bit mostly covered. The maid of honour speech should be a bit like the best man’s in reverse, so…

 

Get your own back

You’ve forgiven the bride a lot over the years - whether it’s the time she scratched your Green Day CD, ditched you on your gap year to get off with that fit surfer dude (now sitting beside her in a Moss Bros suit), or even for making you wear pastel blue today when she KNOWS it washes you out – now’s the time for pay-back

 

Not really though

Alright, the truth is you bloody love the woman, so you’re hardly going to lay into her, but the main focus of your speech should be a witty account of the bride. You’ve been winding each other up for years so you know she can take it

 

Find the irony in her characteristics

Is she a super-organised PA but relies on her dad to tell her when her MOT is due? Or a top chef who only eats Super Noodles on her days off? Point out unique quirks that will have friends and family nodding (and hopefully laughing) knowingly

 

Beware google

Look – even the cake is in tiers because of your terrible joke (if you’re groaning at this, so will everyone else when you recycle old gags). For comedy gold, look no further than real life, BUT…

 

No in-jokes

She might die with laughter at your legendary Squidward impression but will anyone else get it? Include everyone in the room with stories they all find funny and relatable. Here’s how:

 

Dig up the dirt

Gather embarrassing stories from her mum, her other mates, her nieces and nephews… feel free to name-check people who contributed to your speech

 

Don’t milk it

Those hour-long phone calls covering everything from Beyoncé to Brexit? Not tonight ladies! Keep your speech to under 8 minutes and we promise it’ll be Flawless (see what we did there). Nothing is ever made better by drawing it out (see Brexit).

 

Compliment the groom

You might be miffed your friend has vetoed Thursday vino sessions in favour of Peaky Blinders and fluffy socks since falling for him, but you must admit she has a new spring in her step. Acknowledge the role he’s had in making her the amazing, happy woman she is now, even if you have to have your fingers crossed behind your back

 

And if you’re still stumped for ideas…

 

Exploit the experts

Speechy are the top-rated speechwriters on Hitched and offer services to suit every budget

 

Our Maid of Honour Template is designed to extract your best material and create genuine humour without resorting to knackered clichés

 

Written a speech but not sure it’s any good? Our BBC-trained scriptwriters know what works and what doesn’t. With our Speech Edit Service , you simply email us your version and we’ll transform it into something wonderful. If we think it’s fine as it is, of course we’ll refund you!

 

With years of experience on shows such as Have I Got News For You and working with celebs like David Mitchell and Mel Giedroyc, our writers understand what an audience wants. Our Bespoke Service matches you with a writer who’ll create something completely unique

 

Feel free to use PROMO1 at checkout for 15% off any of our services

Contact gemma@speechy.co.uk or call 07971 225 245 for more information

Photo by Thomas William